Here and everywhere in the world.

Maybe the exact word isn’t racism that fits the topic that i’m going to blab here, but as it’s the extreme form of xenophobia, the sentiment (and sentimentality) remains the same.

Now i’m residing in a foreign country as a permanent resident, so i can be considered as “local” here. Temporary, maybe, but local nonetheless. And i hold a religion that most people are afraid of, or reluctant to have anything to do with, or hellbent on getting the hell out of it, in most ways. And judgement can come out, for the best or the worst, through only appearance. Let alone race, or belief. The same pattern.

Racism stands for what it’s called.


This is EXACTLY how it is.

First time coming here, i fell instantly for this country. Hard. The people are so sweet, loving, friendly, and incredibly nice to the point that i can’t believe it sometimes, even now. They are so helpful and always willing to offer assistance, and the nastier look i’ve ever had from them, i believe, were the usual curious “wow foreigner” ones. Friends are easy to make, and the only question i’ve ever got about my appearance are whether it is hot or not wearing burqa. Jerks always exist no matter where we go, but all in all, my impression of living overseas experience for the first time is amazing, 9 out of 10.

And here comes the real eye-opener.

Visiting a country for a year or two, and really live and reside there for about 10 years, are completely different matter. When you’re not really migrating in the place permanently, there are things you could casually brush off, intentionally or not. Mostly the latter. It’s a very important point that can easily alter and influence the perspective people are giving about things. There are parts of everyday lives that only local folks are knowing about, the smallest details in social interactions that visitors in a short amount of time can’t sense the difference. Or even if they do, it doesn’t particularly do them any harm.

Before the ‘R’ word showing its face.

Equality is such a broad word, it can only grasp the point in this discussion in parts. Discrimination will find its way back and crawl behind you before anyone realizing. Being foreigners has its perks, though unfortunately it also means that we will, always, become a “guest” in their eyes, unwanted or not. People who come while bearing “temporary visit” in mind will, of course, never see this kind of trouble appearing. As the level of interaction isn’t as deep and intense as those who are the regulars.

Tourists will always be the happiest.

As long as people perceive themselves to be a separate race, separate nationality, or basically “different form of human being”, the treatment people are giving can be considered as racism.

Just my two cents.

Yeah. Show 'em who the boss is, Big P.

Yeah. Show ’em who the boss is, Big P.

To Kill a Mockingbird [not a review]

Like i said, i’m not gonna review the legendary book here. Maybe someday, but not now. Then why go for such title?

1main IMG_191 LLC shutterstock_86840116

well… one word does tell everything, huh?


A bit quote from British librarian that it’s a book that “every adult should read before they die”. And they can’t be truer. Who can forget such iconic kid like Scout? And Jem, Dill… and Boo. He’s the core of all i’m gonna blab a (hell) lot here.

Truth be told, it wasn’t racism that popped into my mind almost immediately, reading the book. Though i knew it’s the essence of the book, the big idea, the “it” value inside. It was actually the prejudice that allured me to follow every page with my own eyes, every single word, until the end.

Until Boo Radley got his moment.

Prejudice kills everything supposedly alive. It eliminates all possibilities, keeps options closed. Humans have this jail called presumption in mind. Humans already close-minded as it is, let alone having the prejudice join the stage. It is too easy to alter one’s perspective through subjective POV. In one opinion. About one thing.

Sometimes people don’t want your answer. They just need their presumption to be proven right. It’s often useless to put explanation in words, becuz people are already holding onto their own judgement. Their mind stuck with one single surmise, no matter how far it stretches out from the truth. What’s important not how fact fits theories anymore: it’s the complete opposite.

“You are, i gather, not unintelligent, but painfully limited. Narrow. Close-minded.”


You had earned my respect for eternity, Sir. Well, beside all your Snorkack thing…

I can’t help but having these words echoed in my head every time i witness cases like this. Xenophilius Lovegood had worded it perfectly. Sometimes people are so deliberately blind they reject the truth in front of them and their brain digest it into some completely different shit. Damn.

(slightly off topic, but remember “double standards” problem we have here in the world of gender discussion? yep, it’s quite similar with that screwed up logic… say, human logic)

Boo (back to the Mockingbird) was misunderstood all his life. His whole family as well, but all fucked up shit seemed revolved around him. Tom Robinson, in some aspects, were hundred times even worse than Boo. What he experienced was no longer hell… it was lunatic, insane, outrageous, pile of vile and madness. Sorry, got a little emotional here, but like people said, action speaks louder than words. And in this case, prejudice speaks the loudest. It literally kills every slit that might be there, for even the tiniest bit of truth. And i don’t just hate it; i freaking despise it.

You know, sometimes i hate people.

Whether it is assumption, prejudice, early judgement, or however you wanna put it, they never do good. In mathematical equations, maybe they do. And economic analysis, in order to simplify the model and calculate the expectations, but in real life, they don’t. When you first heard about something, of course it would almost definitely, affect your opinion. But never take anything as face value, and don’t judge anything so easily. You wanna be ignorant, go ahead, it’ll do much better than close your ears to everything that has to be said, becuz you already have your own opinion and not gonna change it no matter which one is the real truth.

Oh, and listen to what people have to say. Give them chance to explain their shit.

And read To Kill a Mockingbird, before you die.

Monet, a Revelation

Holiday brings me back to my favourite Monets.

First time learning his art, it was some kind of revelation. It was so mind-blowing, breathtaking moment. I immediately thought, “he’s the best…”



The Woman in The Garden


Can’t think of words that would ever able to deliver my feelings, seeing this painting, but after forever i finally come up with one: ADORATION.

I know, Monet (1840-1926) is all impression, and sunrise. But it isn’t his mega historical painting that later gave birth of the very infamous nickname of him (and become quite an era of group of painters) that i want to display as my best impression Monet, no pun intended. First look at the Woman in The Garden and it practically took away all my consciousness, blew my mind in a split second.

Of course it was Camille Doncieux who was being the model, like almost all his work before all the water lilies rampage, but i found it different than any other Camille paintings. The focus now isn’t her, but the garden. As the woman seen to stare in awe at the beautiful garden, we invited to also look at the same direction. The gentle, detail, yet vivid brush strokes captivated me in a flash. We can envisage easily of some bright day in France, in a garden of an old manor house, owned by some Comte or such.

Though the look Camille gives for the garden was clearly admiration, and we feel the same worship at the same time, it seen for me that the painter itself ALSO felt adoration while doing the work. The title itself gave it away, that it was the woman the creator wanted to exhibit, not solely the garden. But despite all things, somehow the garden painted in such a way that it stood up almost immediately, like it stole all the attention.

Maybe i’m just rambling. Maybe i am, but still… beside The Cliff at Etretat and Oat and Poppy Field, The Woman in The Garden remains as my best Monet painting of all time.

Midas, King of Phrygian

I don’t want to be King Midas.


When His Majesty turned his own blood to a stone...

Turning one’s own blood to a stone… Not much of a deliverance as we hope for, eh, Your Majesty?


He overlooked everything he had until he lost it all. No way in hell i wanna be a person who’s not being grateful and only knows how to oppose. The grass is always greener on the other side would be quite the understatement of the century in this case.

When i wrote this, my mind sailed to a man named Santiago El Campeon. Who doesn’t know him? An exceptionally modest yet gallant character from Hemingway’s novel back in 1952 who steals everyone’s heart by his endless bravery and faith. The fictional fisherman who battled out every day in the Gulf Stream is the antithesis of the typical real-life wealthy man who has almost everything in the world but still manages to find shortcomings every time.

I’m somewhere between nowhere and goodbye, in some dark, twisted place far between those two Legends. I’m not as fortunate as King Midas (in term of fortune, pun intended) and not having a shack wrapped around me to fight cold at night either. I just know that Santiago is everything so many today’s kids are not. His actions, governed by his belief in an unstated pride of a man, leads to the furthest road from being such an blind schmuck ass, like me.


Well, i’ve got offered things many people would lose a limb to get hands to it, but i still set my eyes up there, reaching something higher, and higher, and higher. While keep losing what i already had. Chance, age, vanity. Am i morphing into ungrateful little bitch, who bounds to see nothing outside her expectations, though it’s kinda like elephants in the room? No freaking way.

I know i was born stubborn and this obstinate pigheaded is something that came naturally, but line is drawn with a reason. I have no right in hell to criticize people like King Midas, cuz well, kettles would want to have a word with such pot.

Before this rambling can hurt our eyes even more, i think i ought to stop.

Excerpt of my Fanfic [updated]

okay, so i changed the last one i posted. romance was never been my thing. it is, if i just keep if for myself  LOL. i like to keep hinting, throw some shots here and there, and see if things go well. so, hit the words…


Tale #229

It was one fine night in Merry.

Robin woke everyone up, hands popped out here and there like tentacles. And in a second, all hell broke loose.

“Look, the shooting stars!”

They pointed to all directions, crossed each other’s arms. The silent night changed to a total ruckus. Their voice echoed in the air, spreading to the ocean like a wave by the night breeze. Even Zoro had his eyes wide opened.

But somehow, for the love of anything sanity, Luffy could always manage to ruin the moment.

“You’ve never heard of it? Seriously? Where have you been all this time, hell?” Usopp sounded totally appalled in incredulity. “It’s not just any stars, you baka. It’s freaking shooting stars. We’re supposed to make a wish, as it would definitely grant anything we want.”

“Really? Well I don’t need stars to make true of my dreams anyway. I’m gonna be a Pirate King no matter what.”

“Oh you’re already a King, don’t worry. King of Dumbass. Now shut up and stop ruining the mood.”

Nami’s lips formed a faint smile.

Her mind went to the nights when there were million wishes casted, where the dark sky was such a glare. Nami almost could picture it as clear as crystal, as if it just happened yesterday. When she couldn’t sleep even a wink, hoping for the shooting stars to finally appear tomorrow night. But they never came.

And yet after freaking years, they chose tonight to show guts. And here Nami thought stars not the ones supposed to be so malignant.

“What wish are you making, Nami-san?”

Nami startled, didn’t even realize Sanji was standing by her. How long has he been here?

“Yeah, Nami, what is it?” Chopper was in her feet all of a sudden, eyes just the size of Grand Line, sparkling. The shooting stars had better to be alert.

“Nami, your nostrils broaden like a pair of hollows—ouch! Sanji, that’s uncalled for!”

“Shut up, you freaking gomu-gomu.”

Nami couldn’t hold her laughter. Only a minute later she could say a word.

“I think it’s granted already.”


…end of the excerpt.

Grey’s Anatomy blabs [season 2 episode 11]

(i write this for a certain someone out there . . . lol)

You know why I can understand the psychology from Izzie POV, as well as Meredith’s, and Alex’ at the same time? Because I don’t limit my understanding on whom I have a bias for. For starter, I like Izzie, I dislike Meredith, I can’t hate Alex no matter what he does. But hey, that’s not changing the fact that Meredith does have a hell lot at hands, and Alex is on the brink of failing again, and Izzie acts rather exaggerating towards those two.

But… remember but? This nice, little dread word we can’t avoid of.

But, first, Alex cheated on Izzie. That alone should give a broad picture about how a girl would feel. Jealousy can spark even only by watching our guy chatting passionately with another girl (especially if the girl happens to be very attractive). Well, let alone having our guy cheating behind our back.

And Izzie was still hurt. Needs a hell lot of time I think, to recover from this kind of broken heart, which happened because of betraying. That being said, she didn’t know Alex was failing an exam at that time. At other time, like Alex once said, she would be extremely supportive and optimistic. But at that time, I’m sure that Izzie was like an open drain, that everything Alex or Meredith said would flow right through the sink. (and remember, this is an expression Meredith once used)

And, Izzie needed support from her friends. Imagine when we’re being hurt or having a life drama, our friends act like nothing huge just happened, and say “I told ya” instead. George, Meredith, and Christina acted like it wasn’t a big deal at the quints case, right after the Alex-Izzie incident took place. Despite Izzie was always being there everytime they got hurt before (the night when Meredith knew Derek was married, being all ears for George about his crush, and when Christina was losing her baby).

And, on top of that, instead of being there for Izzie—just being there, for pity’s sake—they chose side on Alex’. Though it’s for a very fair reason, and I would like to do the same thing if I were they, I think it explained how it added even more hurt for Izzie in that situation.

Having our friends sided on an ass who broke our heart, and eventually also had to help that ass go through his crisis while still being hurt… I can only imagine how sad I would be if I were her.

I think Izzie didn’t wish them to badmouth or leave Alex alone in the cold, but she became like that because her friends didn’t show as much support as she felt suffice. That can be a problem, I know, but I really can relate to that.


P.S. kinda pathetic to whine over things not really important (to be more exact, not important at all) here, but if all going on in my head is nowhere near brilliant and authentic, then so be it. i guess. xD

The Freaking Pattern


Is there any long-lasting manga that didn’t end with the main character getting married to another character and having kids? I mean, come on. Inuyasha, Rurouni Kenshin, Rave (kinda), Ai Yori Aoshi, Shaman King, Samurai Deeper Kyo (kinda), Bakuman … it’s like a freaking pattern. Hell, even the king of manga in Japan that considered the mega best, Dragon Ball, also suffered with the same plot ending.


It’s like the idea of “happily ever after’ for these mangaka really embedded in their brains. Which leads to marriage, living together, and so on. Bloody ew.

Then what about the conflicts? What good in building this very exceptional and brilliant storyline through years of insane hard works if the solutions in the end still equal those of kid’s fairy tale’s?


Vegeta, Bulma, Bra, and Trunks. Oh yeah… The Simpsons wouldn’t even stand a chance.

Though some was stretching out (and in some cases, extreme) from the mainstream ending. Slam Dunk (hell yeah), Monster, or Ironfist Chinmi (Kungfu Boy). And, Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro is kinda fit as fiddle, only it’s rather a semi long-lasting manga.

And the freaking pattern—which is getting really old school—I can even see it coming with Detective Conan from the start. (well? childhood couple, tons of pair between friends, flings sparked here and there… No?)

Okay, I know it’s not all, there are plenty out there that aren’t, but many of these great manga finished with the same definition of happy ending. And I find it kinda… well, tiring? I mean, there are various meaning of good ending, depends on who the mangaka is, and what principle they stand for, but what a loss if a long great-deal manga stuck with similar conclusion, no matter how differ the story and the complexities they got.

What worse is when the couple settled in the end is set awfully randomly, or feels like it’s been decided in a very last minute, without enough hints before.

And I really, really hope One Piece won’t be finished with tons of marriage, offsprings, after a friggin’ decade of time-skip…

…and pregnancy.


Sanji brings a word pervert to a whole new dimension. It’s your freaking child, dude… LOL

Tax Regulation Sh*t

Okay. So i’m not going to bitch the government here, or any of their tax regulation. This discussion just will go about the financial market area, focusing in what tax regulation would affect the economy through that sector.

So far, we believe that regulation such as taxes, especially ones that directed to financial transactions would lead the economic growth to decline. Things aren’t much different with if it happens to bank’s financial transactions. Baker and Jorgensen (2012) found the opposite. Their main point is that the raise of the financial transactions costs—through tax regulation by the government—doesn’t always have negative impacts on economic growth. In truth, it can even raise the real growth, though rather slowly, by focusing more to the asset-backed investment, as in “real” form of investment. Well, fundamentally there are four reasons which base Baker and Jorgensen’s (2012) arguments.

First off, things like free riders (or, according to Baker and Jorgensen’s choice of words, noise-traders) and highly informed traders. The raise of the transaction costs can kick out both factors from the game. Money would go to normal investors, they who don’t ride the financial market transactions only to get hands on margin and not dividend, or pay some insider to get crucial information which would put other in disadvantage. The second reason is the real impact of higher transaction costs on the cost of capital (firms or banks tend to lower their capitals if the cost is higher, or so we thought). All this time, we have this perception that higher transaction costs would affect the capital and eventually, the investment moves. But Baker and Jorgensen (2012) found that the case may not be so true.

Truth is, there are quite many firms (or banks) which use most of its retained earnings to enhance their investment moves, not solely by raising their capital. If we recall back to the determinants of investments in order to raise the economic growth, we would find that the cost of capital actually has very small effect in investments. The third reason is that the resources freed up by reducing the volume of trading may actually mean that more resources are available for investment. The main idea is that financial market tends to have unnecessary use of resources, or things can get out of line. Investors used to ignore resources as the main form of investment.

And the last reason would be productive public investment. Where the revenue from the tax will go afterwards? If the destinations are things such as infrastructure, research and development, and education spending, then all will be well. In other words, the revenue would go productive. But if not, then good luck with the tax regulation plans. We may as well just choose between go down in flames or go up in smoke with such case.

But if we’re talking about bank side of view, would it affect bank’s expansion plan in general? Or in broader idea, would it affect banking’s expansion in a country? The answer of that will be found in the next post . . . LOL

Gold Standard Economy : Stagnation in Disguise

Wow. Such fancy title. Even I first thought, “Oh bollocks…”

For starter, i think it’s better before give this eco-blab a shot to dig stuff about gold standard system (the real thing, not what i wrote earlier) first. Just to grab the feeling, you know. So that you can point out my mistakes, ‘cuz I’m definitely going to make some.

Well, it’s not for no reason Nixon decided to write off The Bretton Woods System back in 1971. I’m not going to reminisce of the glory (or rather, gloomy) days here, just to review things a bit. No matter what, the system once failed, and this is the fact that everyone has to coincide.

The thing is, in Gold Standard Economy, Bank can’t release bonds as freely, or permit loans as generously. Central Bank also can’t just print bucks (or in Indonesia, repes) whenever they feel like, because all money must be backed by the same amount of gold. Why can’t they give loans as easy as they normally would? Because all loans must be given only to real sector …….

*to be continued (too lazy to write)

Islamic Money (ecobabbling)

First off, I’d like to state that I based this ecobabbling (lol) with Mr. Ascarya’s late research back in 2010 about Social Value’s Effect Towards Islamic Money Demand in Indonesia (rough translation, the real thing titled as Analisis Pengaruh Social Values Terhadap Jumlah Permintaan Uang Islam di Indonesia).

Here goes my blab . . .

As we all know, we use fiat money as our medium of exchange in Indonesia, as in currency (not demand deposits kind of money). It’s by any means not the kind of money Rasulullah used back in the day (full-bodied money) like dinar/dirham, but well that’s how it is in Indonesia. Many people think that the case for the gold standard system simply does not stack up for past era, much less nowadays. But well, that’s another thing.

We know that Indonesia isn’t officially named oneself as a Muslim Country. Our current President even stated that he finds USA as his second country. Not another Muslim Country, I mean. Thus, we find no reason not to use fiat money and not to insist in using full-backed money (back to the gold standard economy era).

But in the journal that Gustiani, Ascarya, and Effendi wrote about how social values (such as zakat, infaq, sadaqat) affect Islamic Money Demand (both currency and deposits) they include Indonesia’s currency as one of the variable in Islamic Money Demand, while we all know nothing such as Islamic Money (as in currency) in Indonesia. Only the deposits ones (saving/demand/time).

Well, just saying.

Maybe it’s too fast for us to evaluate Islamic Money Demand kinda thing in a country that only holds Dual Banking System at its hands, not Dual Monetary System. Or we can limit the research area only in Islamic Deposit in Indonesia, not Islamic Money in general.

P.S. No offense, dudes. Half of the things i wrote i did that in not so sober state (half-asleep).